Ostracized

I lay upon the musty smelling rug thrown over a cold concrete slab that was meant to be my bed. It has been many days now. No news yet from the outside. It was sheer madness. I knew that it was sheer madness. But I had to do it. It seemed a hell lot like retribution from my past; the past of a thousand unimaginable, unforgivable, unregistered sins. No sensible man would do it. No practical man would even think twice about it. But then again, it was me. And I am a unique being; one in a billion or so.

Hence it was inevitable that I had to seek quarters more elevated than the rest of the common folk. Therefore I was condemned to restrict myself to a patch of land that I had acquired, moving out only to buy the regular supplies. I had no friends left; all the birds of sunny weather had flown on after taking shelter in my realm during the stormy seasons.

"Fly away", I said. "But do call on me if you need more assistance."

I always had a strange grandeur in my way of offering help. I was always generous and profusely devoted my time in helping those who were less fortunate. But then after all the experience I have had, all that it summed up to was that absence makes the mind grow dimmer. No regrets there. Anyway, no one is as intelligent as I am or as elevated as I am. Hence I live alone and no one dares encroach upon my solitude.

But then, the heart is a fickle organ, beating away merrily, without an iota of thought. The heart is devoid of reason; which I would rather call stupid. This stupid heart longs for company sometimes and I yearn to talk to those whom I loved long times ago. I long for their company and their presence. But this wait is futile. I know it because I also know how vain I am. For all the pride that I have in myself, I still am just a vain loser. Hence, I live here, secluded, deluded and discontent. This is madness as everyone would say. I say it too. But then, to what end do I leave my self-imposed exile for?

Nah! I just close my eyes to everything else and focus on myself and live on till I die. What else do I need? Pah! I need to write...

I got up from the bed and moved to the table, topsy-turvy with torn pages and blank sheets. I sat on the dilapidated wooden chair that I had lifted from the house that was broken down recently by the municipality. No one had lived there anyway for ages. I should have flicked it before, I thought... and I started writing... horrible imbecile rantings..

Useless musings.. only a wretch could be writing this and the one who reads this is no less wretched... accursed fellows doomed to live on..